Hey, sweetheart, how about I dry you off?
Hey, babe!
Okay, don't hit me.
This is a message from Sinclair. He's coming to your party.
That's great. So, what do we have now? A critic, two clients, three painters.
Should be three more clients and Molly in the back room.
You should know how to do business.
Give me a break here.
I'm calling out for coffee. Who wants what?
I want a chocolate croissant, Sweet 'N Low and a coffee light.
Okay. You, Liz?
Hot tea with milk.
Hey, boss-man!
I'll have a hot water with lemon and Sweet 'N Low.
Don't let them charge for it.
Slimming down, tubs?
I don't fast to lose weight. I fast to save money.
No sales, we'll both be in the back.
-Did you get the dip? -Yeah, wine cheddar.
What do we have now?
Olives, crackers, pâté, what else?
French ticklers, Spanish fly, margarine.
-This guy's shy. You can't do that. -All right, so all right.
-Bye. -So, what's his name, Michael?
Sorry, love. Why?
Oh, my God.
Sinclair, he's a vegetarian.
String beans, romaine lettuce, asparagus, carrots. . . .
Hey, all right, okay.
More, free. Free, free, free. No charge.
Okay, goodbye.
Hello.
-Imagine one caught in your throat. -Can you imagine the songs they sing?
-Oh, such a romantic. -Can I help you, ladies?
-Half a dozen birds. -You clean me out.
What are you gonna do with them?
What do you think we're gonna do?
Eat them?
No, we plan to give them a proper burial.
That's very funny. Seriously. Very funny.
Maybe we'll raise them as pets and then fly them from the rooftops.
-Would you wrap them up? -Yes, ma'am.
-Wrap them up. -Yes, ma'am.
-Wrap them up. Let's go. -Okay.
Let's see. What else?
Fortune cookies. About eight, no, 1 2.
Just wrap them with the rest.
Cab!
Stop, I'm pregnant!
Cab!
Coming at 8, huh?
Yeah, 8.
Listen, why don 't you get comfortable and I'll get it?
Okay, come on, schmuck, take your shirt off.
Come on, I haven't got all night.
You won't talk me into giving a dinner party again.
It shows you're opening up.
I'm fine.
Soon you'll be putting an ad in the personals columns.
"Beaut--" No. "Divorced White Female.
Beautiful statuesque blonde.
Witty, cultured, owns own vibrator. "
Oh, Lizzy. . . .
I know you don't have one. Not vous,
You are the grossest, most perverted. . .
-. . .oversexed, disgusting-- -Oh, my God!
Oh, baby!
Oh, Michael, yes!
He's eating Volkswagens.
I said to his agent, "How am I supposed to review a piece like that?"
-How about a Volkswagen-tasting party? -More wine?
Michael?
Anyone can do this with his or her nose.
No, wait, wait. She did it!
Have you guys heard of this artist?
He's new. This is serious.
Come on, please, everyone, let her tell the story.
Elizabeth does not lie.
She's blushing.
There's nudity and violence in this, mark my word.
-Tell it, tell it. -Come on.
A guy, he's an artist.
-He's done a series of portraits. -What kind of portrait?
No, rectal portraits.
I know him.
He pulls down his pants, puts the brush up his bum. . .
. . .and then paints portraits in a sort of jack-knifed position.
It's the most amazing thing.
That's sort of the way you write your reviews, isn't it?
Charming. Charming. Very charming.
To swimming with bowlegged women.
-It's beautiful. -It is a beautiful shawl.
It's an old French shawl.
-How much? -Three hundred dollars.
Is it really that much?
It's rock bottom. Three hundred dollars.
Three hundred's a good price.
Thank you.
What's that?
It has babies!
-How much is it? -For you, 40 big ones.
How about 30?
Thirty-five.
How about 30?
Okay.
Every time I see you you're buying chickens.
Thirty.
-Every time I see you you're. . . . -What?
-You're smiling at me. -Smiling at you?
Thank you.
This place has a lot of history.
The chair you're sitting in right now, a guy named Gino Gambini. . .
. . .got his brains blown out. . .
. . .while he was eating the same thing you are, linguine con cozze.
There was another guy.
Back in-- Well, this was earlier, this was in 1 963.
Did you ever hear of Vito Posillipo?
No, I don't think so.
Would you like some more?
Vito Posillipo was sitting right over there where that baby is.
He was minding his own business. He was having ziti al forno.
They came in. . . .
-You don't want any? -No. Then what did they do?
Vito Posillipo came in. . . .
Let me finish this.
Halloween night, sitting in back. . .
. . .minding his own business, they gunned him down.
My God!
This place is what they call a family restaurant.
Listen. . . .
Do you recognize this?
John.
It's for you.
Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?
Is this yours?
No, it's a friend's.
Thanks.
It's beautiful.
It's so beautiful.
It's nice.
Is this your duck?
You're taking a lot for granted.
Am l?
That or you're practicing to be a maid.
Do you like music?
Some.
It's Billie Holiday.
What do you do?
I buy and I sell money.
Some people call it arbitrage.
What do you call it?
I call it a living.
So you sleep with a telephone under your pillow?
No, I don't do that. I used to do that.
I don't have to do that now.
But your business is risky, isn't it?
Well, it's not any riskier than you coming here.
Here, where there's no neighbors around.
We hardly know each other.
I don't know you.
You really don't know me.
I mean, there's no taxicab waiting on the curb.
There's no phone booth outside.
There's no one to hear you if you called out.
Just. . .
. . .you and me.
I don't like this. I want to go.
I was just kidding.
Now!
Right, we'll put this down, here.
We should go black, black, red, red. That's it.
From this end to that end. Black, black, red, red, black, black.
I think the dog collar belongs here.
It's not. It's a chastity belt.
It is?
Elizabeth.
Someone sent you flowers.
All right, don't do anything.
Where did she go?
Thank you.
Come with me.
-Send her up? -Take her up.
John.
Bye.
John, I hate you.
Stop it.
Shall we get a cup of coffee?
John, let me down from here.
-You pig! -See you later.
Get me down!
-Why don't you just calm down? -I mean it.
Why don't you just calm down? Why don't you just--
What is the matter?
Leaving me up there like that.
Slow down.
I see someone coming.
-Take this sucker for five dollars. -Maybe even 1 0.
Sir?
You like music?
Do I like music? Look at these guys. Who wants to know?
My brother. He can fart the theme from Jaws, He's really amazing.
Wait a minute. He can what?
He can fart the theme to Jaws, It's five dollars.
Five dollars? For five dollars I can go out and buy the record.
-Too much. -Oh, what about a buck?
You can do this for a buck?
Go ahead, do it and then I'll give you the buck.
Give him a dollar. Who can do it?
I can. But we need the money first.
I'll tell you what. . .
. . .you hold the money.
Go ahead, hurry up, do it.
Look at him, he looks like he's going to take off.
-That's it. -That's it?
That's it?
What about:
He only does the first couple of bars.
Oh, no, give me the money back.
Come on, let's go.
This is Dr, Holden 's office,
Just wanted to remind you, you have an appointment tomorrow,
Hi, it's Scott,
We're going to Fire lsland this weekend, Want to come?
That's my dad and me.
This is Tom Miller of Miller's Antiques,
Hello, I waited until ten, Did you forget?
I'll speak to you later,
That's Bruce.
He's a songwriter.
We were also married for three years.
Aren't you going to ask how I feel about him now?
Shit, I hate these machines,
Lizzy, this is your mother, Remember me?
-You hungry for turkey? -That's my mom.
Take off your dress.
What?
Will you take off your dress?
May I blindfold you?
What if I don't want you to?
Well, you can ask me to leave.
I don't want you to leave.
Don't move.
No, no, don't move.
I want to look at the outline of your body.
Does this frighten you?
Yes.
Does it excite you?
Yes.
It does me too.
Is he supposed to be dead or asleep?
I think he's sleeping. I like to think of him sleeping.
It's by Matthew Farnsworth.
And nobody's ever heard of him, I know.
But we're about to have a show of his work at the gallery. Very soon.
I think he's a lovely artist.
How about it? How do you feel?
It just doesn't. . . .
I don't know how to say it.
It just doesn't. . . .
Do you like it?
Great. I think he's dying to get out.
Thank you, very much. Come back and see us.
Excuse me.
Okay, boys.
-You smell good. -Thanks.
It's nice.
May I sit down?
Of course. Make yourself at home.
Some chair.
You have a lot of TVs.
My uncle died watching TV.
He was a fanatic about sports.
I mean, any sports.
He had three TVs and a radio.
He used to run from room to room just so he wouldn't miss anything.
He died of a heart attack. '76 Olympics.
I've come close to a heart attack myself watching these things.
I used to live in hotels before I lived here.
I do like to cook.
-You like to cook. -Love to cook.
I bought this for you.
Why don't you just hand it to me?
I like to watch you move.
Okay.
Open it.
God.
It's beautiful.
I love it.
Do you know they used to hypnotize people with the sound of ticking?
You know that?
Let me hear it.
I hear it.
Can I ask you a question?
Okay.
It is beautiful.
What?
Elizabeth. . .
. . .each day at 1 2:00. . .
. . .would you look at that watch and think of me touching you?
Yes.
Would you do that for me?
Yes.
Liz?
Sinclair's on the phone.
Who?
I don't believe she said that.
God, what does he want?
I don't know.
I think it's about Farnsworth.
-Here. -No kidding.
Hello?
Sure, I'll hold.
Such a jerk.
I think I've been hypnotized.
A diet doctor tried it on me once. I gained 1 0 pounds.
I can't concentrate.
I sprayed Lysol under my arms this morning.
You brush your teeth with Ben Gay?
Shaving cream.
Oh, you're all right.
Listen. . .
. . .your ex called. He wants to have dinner tonight. Don't forget.
No, I can't.
Why not? Lizzy, I think you should. He seems so sad lately.
You go.
You go in my place.
I don't think I'm his type.
Can I borrow your body?
Hello.
Molly.
-There's a man on the premises. -Terrific.
Great. Go to it.
Are these yours?
Yes.
It's nice. Come here.
I don't believe this.
I'm starving. Are you hungry?
Come on.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
I want you to close your eyes. . .
. . .and I want you to slide on the floor.
Just lie down on the floor.
Come on.
Go ahead.
Close your eyes.
Don't peek.
I didn't.
Promise to keep your eyes closed?
A big one.
Promise to keep your eyes closed, please.
Stick out your tongue.
Further. Further.
Further. Right.
Yeah.
I'll put it right on the spot.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
I should have said no.
No, no, no.
I should have said no.
I would have if I could have. . .
. . .but I couldn't. So I didn't.
Are you talking to me?
Listen, Lizzy. . .
. . .you remember when you. . .
. . .suggested that I keep your date with your ex?
Well. . .
. . .I did.
And the thing is, I couldn't say no.
I. . .
. . .slept with him.
With Bruce? My Bruce?
I thought you should know.
Well, your mom will like him.
Mine did.
Okay.
I'm going to a party tomorrow night with Molly.
Will you come?
Come on, John.
No.
Why not?
I want you to meet my fr--
Don't you want to meet my friends?
I don't want to meet anybody. I really don't want to meet anybody.
I just want to be with you.
I'll start the dishes.
Let me tell you something.
You don't do dishes.
You don't ever have to do dishes. I'll do the dishes.
And I'll buy the groceries.
And I'll cook the food.
And I'll feed you.
And I'll dress you in the morning.
And I'll undress you at night.
And I'll bathe you.
And I'll take care of you.
And you can see your friends in the daytime. I just want the nighttime. . .
. . .from now on to be. . .
. . .ours.
Yes?
Okay, fine.
Okay, I'll meet you.
I have to meet a friend.
That's okay. I've got work to do at home.
No, I don't want you to go.
Would you please stay?
Okay.
Fetch, boy,
Now you can afford that bed that lets you read, eat,,,
,,,chat on the phone, watch TV, sleep and relax at the touch of a button,
Now you can afford soothing, gentle massage, Your personal heat control,
Total adjustability,
At last, an adjustable bed at flat bed prices,
Hello.
-Elizabeth? -Yes.
-Hi, -Hi.
Don 't talk, I have a question I want to ask you,
Okay.
All the while that I was with my friend, I was just wondering,,,
,,, what you were doing in there,
I was wondering if maybe you were going through my clothes,,,
,,,looking in my drawers,,,
,,,looking at the things in my closet,
And I said, "No, she's not that kind of girl,
She's a good girl, "
Good girls don 't snoop, do they?
So come on, you can tell me,
Tell me if you've been a nosy parker,
I mean, come on, Really, I want to know,
I'm your pal, right? So tell me,
You can trust me, It'll be our secret,
So tell me,
Tell me,
Yes.
-Yes. -What's that?
-Yes, what? -Yes, I've been a nosy parker.
Shame on you,
I didn't think you'd be here.
Why'd you do that?
I'm sorry.
You've been a very bad girl.
I want you to face the wall and raise your skirt, because I'm gonna spank you.
You are kidding?
I'm not kidding.
Oh, God.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Coming.
Your breakfast is ready.
Will that be cash or charge?
Cash.
John?
Aren't you going to ask me how I like this?
No.
Did you take as good a care of the others as you do of me?
Did you?
Come on, John.
-Say, "That is gross. " -That is. . .
. . .unacceptable.
Just go.
Hurry!